If there is one thing for certain it’s that we all consistently live through uncertainty during our lives. There are typical uncertainties that we live through and they don’t adversely affect us, we manage them without so much as a second thought. Then there are challenges and experiences that create uncertainty, fear and anxiety, these are one’s that are not the norm and require a huge amount of resilience, strength and confidence to face. There are so many contributors in how we think, feel, act, experience the world around us and what affects our anxiety, stress, fear, overwhelm, emotional wellbeing and emotional resilience. When it all gets to feeling chaotic and unmanageable we can feel as though we’re wading through mud and trying to hold on to a cloud. It all just feels the hardest slog, it’s lonely and isolating and the sense of being in control seems unreachable. Knowing what to do and where to start is the first step in gaining a sense of empowerment over those uncertainties and their impact.
What are the 4 Elements in Creating CALM
We are by nature curious creatures. We seek to know and understand everything around us, wanting to absorb knowledge and a sense of ‘knowing everything’ and diverse knowledge. I talk about curiosity as part of my workshops and whilst it’s a fantastic element of our emotional resilience development and emotional wellbeing, in some circumstances you can have too much of a good thing! We have to harness our curiosity and never more so than in times of uncertainty. In being overly curious and seeking to know and understand everything, clarity can be drowned out by the noise.
Create clarity by filtering the information around you; the What, Where, Who, Why:
- What is it you NEED to know
- What would be HELPFUL for you in your specific circumstances
- Where can you find the right information that is TRUSTED and of VALUE to you
- Who can you get the right information and help from. Who has the skills to help you and support you in times of uncertainty.
- Why is it important to know – how does it help you, what value does it bring, how can it help you in managing what you’re experiencing.
2: Attitude: Perspective = Clarity
Our attitude is determined by our perspective and perspective is gained through the clarity we’ve sought and gained.
There is a belief that life happens for you not to you, which has the underlying philosophy that you will be able to grow from a situation that causes you uncertainty, fear, anxiety and stress.
Think of yourself as having a perspective lens. That perspective is completely individual and unique to you and it’s directly linked with your personal values and belief system. Your perspective helps increase your individual awareness of what opportunities there are around you and in the circumstances/challenges you’re experiencing in spite of the stress and anxiety you may be feeling.. With the right perspective i.e. clarity, you are able to shift the reality (or interpretation) of your situation. In gaining that clarity and perspective you can make a proactive choice in how you respond to it, rather than being impulsively led by your reaction to it.
This may sound a simple one but it can be the hardest for us to focus on.
- Love yourself
- Be kind to yourself – don’t judge yourself too harshly for seemingly not managing as well as others around you. Your battle is your own.
- Look after yourself through self care methods that work for you.
- Accept the emotions your are feeling. Don’t try to deny them. In acceptance comes courage and the ability to work with those emotions and through them. You develop power of them rather than them having power over you.
- Nurture a state of balance through gratitude. Ask yourself each evening ‘what am I thankful for today?’
- Ask for help if you need it. Kindness and positive support is out there.
Bring your attention to your experiences without judgment. Create that sense of acceptance, protecting your headspace.
- Notice what your mind and body are telling you and what they need. Really listen to yourself, your physical, psychological and emotional needs
- Practice breathing techniques.
- Exercise – supports the stress hormone balance in times of fear and stress
- Create space between you and your thoughts.
Listen to your intention and what your hopes are in practicing mindfulness.
About Me & My Take-Home Message Today
Pay attention to yourself, your whole self. Pay attention to your curiosity, attitude and perspective, your acceptance of what you’re feeling & experiencing and pay attention to your self love and kindness. Through following and practicing the 4 elements I’ve described you can start to understand how to gain a sense of calm and control over stressful, anxiety provoking uncertainties.
I’m and Empowerment Coach and Therapist for Women. I specialise in Attachment, Trauma and Resilience; anxiety, grief & loss, emotional trauma and resilience, life transitions and the emotional impact of abuse. You can find out more about me in my ‘About Me’ on the website. Having been a psychiatric nurse and therapist in Attachment, CBT, Solution Focused DDP and Systemic Family Therapy for 21 years, I broadened my perspective and became and Empowerment Coach a couple of years ago and designed my therapeutic empowerment coaching program. I predominantly work online but I do work with women ‘face to face’ in my consultation room in my home in France.
If you are someone struggling then I do offer a Free discovery call to discuss how I might help.